i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
