:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
