I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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