this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
