You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
