he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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