I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
