I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
