listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
