he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
