her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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