I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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