Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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