My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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