I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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