The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
