just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize