I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
