I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
