i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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