East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
