I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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