So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
