I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize