but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
jump out the window naked night went bad
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
