my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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