So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
