Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I forgot how hot balto sounded
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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