There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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