This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
