I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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