is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
