And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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