wat bout pragnant strippers??
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
