He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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