I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
There's always time for handjobs
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
