Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
