she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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