I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
