I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You were trust falling into bushes
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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