I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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