I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
