Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
