chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
