Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
