Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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