My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
