I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize