Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The uberlube is also flammable
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
