so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
