I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
