I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
