no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
