God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
