SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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