I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
