There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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