When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
