got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I need mimosas to revive my soul
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
