You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
