Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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