Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So many bounce houses so little time
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
