I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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