I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
