He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
