How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I am midnight drunk by noon
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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