P.S. I can't hear my feet
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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