did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
