my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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