I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
