I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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