So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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