There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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