i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
