Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I think people are normalizing furries
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
