so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
