i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Be still, my beating vagina.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
