And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
