hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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