I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
