You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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