it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize