He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Do vagina's smell?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
