I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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