took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
