i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
