Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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