My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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