Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize