when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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