Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
