I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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