6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I didn't shave. On purpose
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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