You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
