ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
did i walk over a car last night?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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