Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
