i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
