I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just threw up on my dentist
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
