I am in a vortex of obligation.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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