You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
