I intend to get homeless drunk
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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