Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
