Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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