You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
