It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
