Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Randomize