saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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