Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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